How to read this:
These are transcripts from the ending of therapy sessions. When I have conversations with myself, inner children can be heard and get the love and understanding that they always wanted.
I am using a guided meditation to connect to true Self, to unblend from any protector sub-personalities that might be in the way of empathy, to finally be able to connect to long buried emotions from inner children. When they are met with understanding and care, they are able to let go of outdated beliefs about themselves.
The blue text is the guided meditation.
White text is me, speaking.
Darker text is me, speaking from a inner child's perspective.
Please let me know in the comments, which story resonates the most with you, so I can prioritize which ones are used for the project.
Create an environment for this part, to really feel love. Where is it? What does it look like, what does it feel like?
Dad can pick me up from school, just me. I am glad that I don’t have to walk all the way and go on the train. He picks me up right at the school door. And I can tell him: The kids aren't picking me when we are playing something. I really would liked to be appreciated and loved, valuable also for the game.
And he is stopping the car for a moment, under some trees, to talk to me.
His hand is on my shoulders, saying: Do you feel sad about that? Would you like the other kids to like you and pick you first? Is that confusing? Do you want to make sense of it?
Yeah, I think its because they think I am stupid.
Crying.
I am bad at ballgames.
I definitely love you, no matter if you are good at ballgames or not. I also love you no matter if you do something for me or not. You provide value just by existing.
Crying.
And if you want to provide value for the other kids and what they value the most is not who you are but just how well you are playing volleyball, then I can help you get better at volleyball.
Yeah, I think I would like that. I know that you care about me and love me no matter what. But that’s not what the other kids do.
But I can learn, for sure.
Lets take that part out of the current place, and bring it to a place of love, where you can be with it.
He is stopping at some kind of beach, there is a beach volleyball place. And then we just bounce the ball back and forth and serve. My dad is not disappointed because I am not good, he is enjoying to see that I am learning. And he makes mistakes too. I doesn’t seem like he is afraid of it.
Ask this part now to release all that burden, that it carries. How would you like to release it, so that the energy gets transformed?
I would like to take that belief: "I am not of value, I am not lovable", and I would like to put it all into this volleyball. And then serve it has hard as I can out into the ocean, next to the beach.
Wham!
Its flying a long way out, landing on the waves, and the wind is taking out to sea. And its gonna be picked up by a child in Africa or something, in Libya or something, and he is gonna play with that. Play with his friends.
And I know I am loved and I am valuable, they way I am now and with whatever I can achieve, if I want to.
Imagine for a moment, that this part is merging back into the body, with all that feeling that just emerged, into every single cell.
Yeah.
Lets bring into the scene all the protectors, so that they can see and witness the transformation.
Yeah, the Analyzer learned more about love, how important it is to have space to feel. I don't need to block my emotions or block other people. It lets me know what I want, to be able to give and receive and to provide value, I really appreciate that.
How do they feel like?
Surprised and relieved, they don’t have to be on guard so much.
How do you feel like?
Relaxed and grateful, and hopeful and determined. Hungry.
I am your parent. I am your friend. I am your guardian. I am your teacher. You can come with me now. Because I understand you, I can see you right in front of me. Take my hand. I am gonna protect you if necessary, if anybody wants to stop us. I do understand why they want to do this to you. And I can talk to them to let you go.
So lets go.
(crying)
Lets go.
Create an environment for this part, to really feel love. Where is it? What does it look like, what does it feel like?
Lets go into the woods. Lets take pen and paper and draw, if you want. And lets bring a computer, because I am from the future, you know.
(crying)
You can have your own computer if you want, you don't have to fight over it.
Lets go, what do you want?
Lets get some space first.
Lets go on a bike-ride.
Lets take that part out of the current place, and bring it to a place of love, where you can be with it.
I love you, you know. All of you, I don’t forget you. Each one of you will have your time with me, and your chance to go out and feel what its like to be free. You can do whatever you want. You can learn whatever YOU want.
(laughter)
Yeah, that's also what the world is. Look at this. Its freedom.
I know it can be overwhelming, and kind of shocking.
(crying)
What does it sound like? What does it smell like?
It smells like one million things, it sounds like one million things. I dont know what I want to explore first. Its so much. I just want sit here and rest for a moment.
Take your time. Its YOUR time. Its your life, and you do whatever you want. I am gonna by be here by you, and help you.
Ask this part now to release all that burden, that it carries. How would you like to release it, so that the energy gets transformed?
Its gonna be the wind in the trees. I like that the most.
But its gonna be a hurricane. Its gonna take out a few houses.
(crying)
(laughter)
Thank you.
What does it look like? What does it feel like?
It was a hurricane force gust. And I am sure there is more to be unburdened, but it felt really good.
They trees were shaking quite a bit. It could feel it in my fingertips and in my toes, like they are branches.
I feel like I can rest on the forest floor, the wind has turned down into a breeze.
Lets bring into the scene all the protectors, so that they can see and witness the transformation.
The Patriarch is nodding, he is pleased. The Healer is glowing, that’s what he likes to see the most. That’s what he is really here for. He is moved, and grateful to be heard.
How do they feel like?
Pleased. Grateful. Calm. Compassionate.
Create an environment for this part, to really feel love. Where is it? What does it look like, what does it feel like?
It’s in the woods next to the meadow, where we used to go.
Ask this part now to release all that burden, that it carries. How would you like to release it, so that the energy gets transformed.
So my parents are turning around are coming back to me, and they are asking me: Whats going on? Why are you so upset? Its very uncomfortable to see that, because we really love you and we don’t know whats going on. So maybe you can tell us how you are feeling. In your body, do you feel pain or sadness?
It really hurts, like in my heart, and I don’t wanna be alone, and I wanna know that you are always at my side, even if its very challenging. Being alone is so horrible, because I am so little, I don’t know how to survive by myself. It's very scary, if you say that you leave me behind.
I am sorry about saying that, I was confused myself, and I didn’t want to feel that, that’s why I was going into distance, but I wasn’t really planning on really leaving you behind, I just wanted some distance. And I really care about you and I love you, that’s why it hurts so much to see you in pain. I can feel that with you if you want.
Because you were saying that you were leaving me behind I thought I am not lovable and I am too difficult to be around with, and I don’t deserve love, all kinds of stuff like this. Is that true? It hurts.
No, that’s not true. You deserve love, no matter what happens. If you are upset, I can hold space for that.
There is nothing you did wrong, you just express your emotions. I was not able to hold space for that in the past.
Crying.
What does it look like? What does it feel like?
We are holding each other at the side of the meadow. Breath out the pain, its okay.
Imagine for a moment, that this part is merging back into the body, with all that feeling that just emerged, into every single cell.
I am home. Yeah. Home.
Lets bring into the scene all the protectors, so that they can see and witness the transformation.
Yeah, the Caretaker is relieved. He sees I am taking good care of myself. I think it was also the Hermit, the lonely old man was relieved, it doesn’t mean we are abandoned and I have to live by myself. It's not that we are unlovable, just my emotions are difficult for other people's bodies sometimes.
How do they feel like?
Relieved and strengthened and trusting me more, trusting everyone else. More awake. Less concerned, more grounded, relaxed and warm.
How do you feel like?
Relaxed and warm, I can breathe more freely, there is much less pain in my chest. And I am hungry I think.
Create an environment for this part, to really feel love. Where is it? What does it look like, what does it feel like?
It's in my mothers bedroom, and I am upset and angry and I am mocking her.
And she is looking at me, and she is asking me: Do you feel angry? Because I feel pretty sad, when I see you talking to me like this. And I wonder what is going on for you. Because I really care about you.
Yeah I am angry too. You never seem to listen. Don’t seem to understand me and care about what I want. I think you are not even really there, its like you can't see me.
I can see you now. I can hear, that you want to be understood, to be cared about. Wanting to be seen and appreciated. And loved. I want you to know that I love you. Even if you are angry with me. Because that tells me that you would like something that I have not been giving.
Yeah. I feel sad, cause I wanna do more stuff with you. You are always working.
Crying.
I want you to hold me.
Yeah I can hold you.
Lets take that part out of the current place, and bring it to a place of love, where you can be with it.
I am going with her out onto the meadow in the forest. Playing something and being together. And I feel that she really likes me.
What does it sound like? What does it smell like?
It smells like the forest, and I can hear the birds and the trees. It's very peaceful. I can feel her body, we are very close. Her hand is touching me. I trust her.
Ask this part now to release all that burden, that it carries. How would you like to release it, so that the energy gets transformed.
II want to take that shame within me and the belief that there is something wrong that I am doing all the time, or that there is something wrong about me, and I want to take that belief and that shame and I want to throw it into the air, like seeds.
What does it look like? What does it feel like?
I am throwing it into the air as high as I can, and its blowing away with the wind. And my mother is watching.
Crying.
The fly away. The become flowers.
Lets bring into the scene all the protectors, so that they can see and witness the transformation.
The Analyzer is very excited, because he knows how important the scene was. And he can see that love and kindness and consideration and patience are much better tools than criticism and shaming. And he is also transforming. He is also learning and growing.
How do they feel like?
Relief and appreciation. Hope. Gratitude. Love.
How do you feel like?
Relieved. Calm. Hopeful. Confident. Appreciation.
Create an environment for this part, to really feel love. Where is it? What does it look like, what does it feel like?
I am inside the kindergarten. My mother is actually coming back inside through the glass doors. Because she sees that I am in distress, and my sister as well. So she is coming back.
Lets take that part out of the current place, and bring it to a place of love, where you can be with it.
Yeah, we are just all together in this room, behind the glass doors, were all the doors go off into the class rooms I guess.
She is saying: Oh, you look scared and sad. Are you scared and sad? Because you don’t wanna be here by yourself?
Yeah, I don’t wanna be alone. I am not ready yet. And my sister is crying and I don’t know how to help her at the same time. It's overwhelming. And I don’t know these people. And I am afraid that the other children are gonna be mean.
She is holding me and my sister. She is saying: I know this really was too soon and I don't wanna leave you by yourself if you are scared, if you are not ready. I wanna support you and I can be with you guys, as long as you want, as long as you feel scared, come back to me, close to my body and look around. Let me know what is scary to see, and what are the things you are curious about. And then you go to play if you want, but if you are scared about something or confused or anything, just come back to my body, hold on to me and tell me whats going on for you, so I can give you guidance. Because I have been a long time in this world and I am trusting that I am gonna alright, no matter what happens.
Crying.
Thank you.
Yeah, thank you. I feel – that sounds better, and I don’t feel alone. I can get to know this place, my sister is also gonna be okay. I don’t have to care for her or something, and I am actually curious about this place. I want to explore it, but I want to be able to come back to you.
Yeah and whenever you feel slightly overwhelmed, just come back to me and let's talk about whats going on for you. I am always gonna be there for you. In fact, for the rest of your life, you can call me and I am always older than you, I am challenging the world, and I think I can share my experiences with you and I will always understand whats going on for you and hold space for you.
Yeah, the world seems quite scary, but also exciting.
What does it sound like? What does it smell like?
It smells a little bit strange, like a new place. Wood and plasticine and color and perfume. I can hear the other kids playing, I really wanna have fun with them. Yeah what I am feeling now is much more grounded if my mum is with me. I don’t have to take responsibility for my sisters pain and I can focus on whats ahead if my mum really loves me.
Ask this part now to release all that burden, that it carries. How would you like to release it, so that the energy gets transformed?
The burden is the pain of not knowing or thinking that my mum doesn’t care about me, my mum doesn’t love me and that’s we she leaves me behind. I wanna go outside and release that into the wind, like a bird. Go, I know my mum loves me. And she is coming here, she is coming inside with me, as long as I want. You can go. She will always be with me. I can always call her, I can always hold her hand. She loves me.
The bird is flying away, but its sitting on a tree, close-by. Its looking at me:
Maybe I am coming back to you, but I am also thinking that’s okay because I know, the bird is not me and I can talk to the bird and I can release it. Again and again.
What does it look like, what does it feel like?
Feels good.
Lets bring into the scene all the protectors, so that they can see and witness the transformation.
Yeah. The Carnival guy is witnessing that, is very pleased. It's also a beautiful experience and its coming from feeling discomfort first, yeah its almost like an attraction you can sell: "Step closer, experience The great Unburdening."
And also my Spartan is seeing that and sees that this the true meaning of endurance, it means not “overcoming pain” but moving through it.
Overcoming - not by avoiding it. Yeah.
How do they feel like?
Excited, They really learned something new, this feeling of: Yeah, I did not think about that before. And relief about not needing to come up with all kinds of stuff, being able to focus on, liberated now to focus on what else they could do with these skills and trusting that whatever is coming up, whatever emotion is coming up.
How do you feel like?
Relief. Trust. Openness and curiosity. Confidence. Excitement. Happiness.
I am inspired, too.
Create an environment for this part, to really feel love. Where is it? What does it look like, what does it feel like?
We are just going over to what looks like a park. I really like to be in nature and have this conversation.
Lets take that part out of the current place, and bring it to a place of love, where you can be with it.
There are other kids there. Playing outside, they seem to have a lot of fun and seem different.
What does it sound like? What does it smell like?
It's very warm and exciting and fresh.
Ask this part now to release all that burden, that it carries. How would you like to release it, so that the energy gets transformed?
You can take all of that belief that you noticed that you just had. That nobody likes you, or that you have to be someone else so that people like you, you can take that and put it into a ball. Feel the sadness and loneliness inside the ball. And than you throw it away as far as you can. Maybe it bounces back sometimes, but you recognize it as that’s the ball and you can throw it into the sky, stronger and stronger.
Thank you, dad.
And then you can go to the nice children, and you can tell them what you want, what you really want, I am gonna find the perfect friends for you. Trust that it's gonna help you fulfill that need. If you missed something its gonna teach you about it with a little pain. That doesn’t mean you cant get that need fulfilled.
Thank you.
What does it look like? What does it feel like?
Its much brighter outside, and with the ball far away I am curious and excited. Getting to know other kids. I wanna know about them:
Whats your name? My name is David.
Lets bring into the scene all the protectors, so that they can see and witness the transformation.
Yeah, they really like to see that. Its not that they really want to be alone. They celebrate being able to do that. The don’t want me to feel pain, and they enjoy seeing me curious and open, excited about other people.
How do they feel like?
Relieved and happy, excited. Grateful.
How do you feel like?
Grounded and relaxed, but also energized and curious, hopeful and motivated, and longing for connection, and hungry.
Create an environment for this part, to really feel love. Where is it? What does it look like, what does it feel like?
I am gonna take this part out of the memory, being in this house in front of the mirror. I take it by it's hand and leave the house, but then also leave the house of the Hermit to get out into nature, into sunlight. Yeah, and go to a place, a beautiful playground, with lots of other kids, to be there with him.
Lets take that part out of the current place, and bring it to a place of love, where you can be with it.
There is lots of happy kids, and other parents to play with.
What does it sound like? What does it smell like?
Sounds kind of fun, lots of laughter and squeaking, also some screaming. Squealing. Sounds of joy. Smells a little bit like fall, like the leaves on the ground.
Ask this part now to release all that burden, that it carries. How would you like to release it, so that the energy gets transformed?
Dad, I felt really heartbroken when I realized that you and mum where making fun of me when I looked at myself in the mirror, and you thought it was funny that I don’t know something, and I wasn’t included in the joke. And I thought that’s because you don’t like me enough, or you don’t respect me. I am not worth being part of the family. That’s what I believed and it was hard to accept that I don’t trust you any more.
Crying.
I am heartbroken to hear that. I am so sorry that I did that. I wasn’t aware of what that does to you. That’s something at that time I really thought was funny, because I did not connect with my own inner child, about what had happened to me, so I couldn’t see at that time. If I would have seen that, I wouldn’t have done it in the first place, I would have played a very different game. But right now I can just say that I am sorry that that happened and from my perspective it didn’t mean that I don’t respect you or I don’t love you. If I would have known that I wouldn’t have done it.
Crying.
I really love you. I really want to be part of your life, I want to include you. I want to be authentic about what's going on. And I hope that you learn to trust me. I also want to be trusted.
I wanna take this belief that you don’t care about me and you don’t respect me, and that’s because I am not good enough and I am not lovable and take that, I wanna take that and release that into the wind.
What does it look like? What does it feel like?
I feels like all these beliefs are leaving my body. Flying away, turn into flowers somewhere, the belief that I am not lovable, that I can't trust. I am not worth respecting. Stupid.
Imagine for a moment, that this part is merging back into the body, with all that feeling that just emerged, into every single cell.
Yeah, oh, I can feel that. Yeah. Trust, Love, Openness, Authenticity. The part is growing up in me. Ah.
Lets bring into the scene all the protectors, so that they can see and witness the transformation.
Yeah, the Hermit is excited that I am growing up, stepping outside of this cabin, really excited about the world. Scared, but also happy. Doesn’t wanna keep me in there, he doesn’t wanna lock me up, just wants to let me know that I can come back whenever I want. It's this beautiful place.
How do they feel like?
Relieved and happy for me, a little bit lonely still but also the Hermit doesn’t have to stay in the woods. I am gonna invite him to live with people.
How do you feel like?
More hopeful and less anxious, a little bit sad, open.
Create an environment for this part, to really feel love. Where is it? What does it look like, what does it feel like?
It's really sunny and warm inside the castle. M. looks beautiful, my parents are open and healed and warm and loving they accept me with all my mistakes, and who I am in this moment.
Lets take that part out of the current place, and bring it to a place of love, where you can be with it.
I am walking along the castle wall and into the gate, into the courtyard, where they are waiting for me.
What does it sound like? What does it smell like?
It's warm and they are smiling at me, and they hug me. Say that they miss me, and love me. They love me for just who I am.
Crying.
Ask this part now to release all that burden, that it carries. How would you like to release it, so that the energy gets transformed.
I would like to take that belief, that I can't be loved for who I really am, and turn it into a bird, and I hold that bird into my hands, and let it go.
Crying.
Yes.
What does it look like? What does it feel like?
There is lots of fresh air and it's almost coming out of my chest, being set free.
I really feel that I am lovable with all of my quirks and my parts and all of my tragic ways to give and receive love.
Imagine for a moment, that this part is merging back into the body, with all that feeling that just emerged, into every single cell.
Laughing.
Yeah.
Lets bring into the scene all the protectors, so that they can see and witness the transformation.
Yeah, the Husband is like a protector, I mean he wants me to be happy by myself, that I don’t need a specific other person to be loved. Just like the Lover, he wants to give love so much, but it doesn’t have to be a specific person. They are relieved to see that I am able to do that, despite the sadness. The Patriarch also likes to see, the Shaman likes to give that love. The Analyzer is happy that we created some order. And the Husband part is liberated to be to give and receive love all the way.
How do they feel like?
Relieved and proud and happy, connected, moved, energized, a little bit sad still – there is still sadness.
How do you feel like?
A little bit sad, but happy and relieved that I have taken the first step. But I know the sadness is about that I don’t want to let go of K. I want her, still. And I am gonna address this again to make sure that its not this exile. But I hear you, yes I hear you. You want her. That’s okay. I love you and I love her just the way you are. I am hungry.
Create an environment for this part, to really feel love. Where is it? What does it look like, what does it feel like?
The teacher is taking me by the hand and I am very close, just a few feet away from this door to the outside. So he is going outside with me to have a one on one conversation, out into the sun. And he is saying:
David, I feel concerned and confused about what happened yesterday, because I noticed at some point that you were just gone from the group. And you didn’t talk to me or anything, and other people also didn’t really know, where you are. So I was really scared and concerned, because I thought that maybe something happened to you, and that’s a very scary thought. That never happened to me before. I was relieved to find out that you were at your parents house, and you were just taking off, and it made sense to you, because you really close to home. But I would have liked if you would have told me about that beforehand, so that I know where you and I am not scared. And I am not trying to look for where you are. And I am curious about what was happening for you and why you made that choice.
I wanted to be free to go home, and I was very close and I knew everything, but I was scared that that doesn’t matter. That my self-trust doesn’t matter, because I need some signature from my parents, some stupid paperwork that I didn’t get. So that’s why I didn’t trust that I was, that I could talk to you about this, because I need the paperwork. That’s why I was not open about what I wanted. Sorry I was disregarding what you need, that was very scary for you and I understand. I didn’t want to go all the way back to school, and then go back, that was just too stupid. Its not that I don’t care about you.
Lets take that part out of the current place, and bring it to a place of love, where you can be with it.
We are hugging each other and that’s okay. I get the sense that that’s okay. And I am okay and he is okay. All that it needs is openness and communication. I feel warmth.
Yeah.
Ask this part now to release all that burden, that it carries. How would you like to release it, so that the energy gets transformed.
I would like to set that paper on fire that I would have needed. To have permission to be myself. And its okay to be myself and to openly communicate that. That I trust myself.
Laughter.
What does it look like? What does it feel like?
Oh, these little bits of ashes are flying away in the wind. Its such a relief. To have permission from someone else to be. I also don’t need support from someone else to be okay.
Imagine for a moment, that this part is merging back into the body, with all that feeling that just emerged, into every single cell.
Oh it's electrifying, energizing.
Lets bring into the scene all the protectors, so that they can see and witness the transformation.
The Patriarch Tree is really happy, because that’s exactly what he wants, how he is imagining a shining glowing boundary, instead of a defensive one. This is who I am.
There is no need to defend that or to get other people to respect that.
How do they feel like?
Relieved and happy, much stronger and more loving.
How do you feel like?
I feel really happy and I am so glad that this is working so well. Grateful for IFS and grateful for K. pushing me with her parts. And I feel moved when I think of all of these people that have been part of my development, almost glad about that I was coding this program that helps me to hear myself. I am really enjoy discovering my unconscious motivation to come here in the country that is requiring paperwork for me to be allowed to be here, and I was trying to re-live this trauma, and to arrive at this point was necessary for me to re-experience that to heal and to become free. I feel grateful.
Crying.
And also feeling for other people I might have caused pain, like I have caused discomfort and pain and fear for my teacher, and I caused that for K. I can see that better, I can see myself. I can see and feel what has been hidden from me for such a long time. 30 years.
Create an environment for this part, to really feel love. Where is it? What does it look like, what does it feel like?
It's outside on the stairs and my mother is turning around and she is looking at me with care and concern and love. She says, whats going on? I feel scared at this place and I don’t know what to do about my sister, and I don’t really want to be there, I want to be able to feel really sad when I saw you walk away.
She is holding me and she gives me space to express my emotions, I can feel that it's okay. She is just holding me, being with me:
I understand that that’s completely overwhelming and you don’t understand why you sister is crying its very distressing. And there are strange people. I am really curious, I really wanna know what you would like.
Crying.
I don’t wanna be left here. I wanna be together with you. If you think that’s important that we stay at this place, I would like you to stay here with me, at least for a little while to get used to this strange environment.
Yeah, that’s a great idea, I am gonna do that. Yeah. I really care, and I really appreciate that you tell me about that. I want you to be safe and happy, because you matter the most to me.
Lets take that part out of the current place, and bring it to a place of love, where you can be with it.
What does it sound like? What does it smell like?
My sister is also coming. She also wants to be soothed and loved. I can feel that she really cares about me and my sister. I don't have to be alone. She is always with me, if I want it. I trust.
Ask this part now to release all that burden, that it carries. How would you like to release it, so that the energy gets transformed?
I want to take that belief, that I don’t matter, or that other people matter more than me. And that’s why I am not loved. It's in my hands, and I am blowing on it, like a birthday cake with candles on it. And the smoke is evaporating into the air, the belief that other people matter more than me and that I am unlovable.
Happy birthday.
Crying.
Lets bring into the scene all the protectors, so that they can see and witness the transformation.
The Patriarch is happy about growth. He wants me to get a sense of that I matter. The Shaman was also happy about that I take myself as serious as I take others. The Analyzer is also understanding me as it is trying to understand others.
How do they feel like?
Relief and appreciation, gratitude, compassion.
How do you feel like?
Warm, relaxed, more grounded. Confident.
Create an environment for this part, to really feel love. Where is it? What does it look like, what does it feel like?
I want to bring this part with me in the present right here, and also my dad. We could make some music.
Lets take that part out of the current place, and bring it to a place of love, where you can be with it.
Right here. The Patriarch and the Analyzer are watching.
What does it sound like? What does it smell like?
They are sitting, but the exile is scared that I might be out of tune.
Crying.
My dad says, “Hey I noticed that your are not singing that loud. I really like your voice, why do you think that’s happening? And I am saying:
I am scared that I might be out of tune and I might ruin the song, and then maybe you don't like me any more.
Crying.
Im really scared. Because you have so many judgments about music, and you like it so much, I wanna do it with you, but I am scared you don't like me.
He is saying: Oh, you are scared. I did not know that you are scared. I really care about you and I want us to have fun. And there is no song or anything that matters more than you. It doesn't matter if you sing out of tune or not, because I just like doing that with you. I sometimes sing out of tune, too. That’s part of the fun. I am really curious how your voice sounds like. Because I love you so much. When I play guitar and you sing, I feel very connected to you. I don’t want to lose that and I am scared that it seemed you don't enjoy it, I thought maybe you don’t like what we are doing. And then I kind of felt ashamed, because I thought its something that I did – that you don’t like me. Do you understand?
I think I do.
You really like making music with me, and you were concerned that I don’t like it. And then you felt ashamed.
Crying. That’s just like how I felt.
Yeah I kind of felt the same thing. I really like you. Thanks for letting me know.
Ask this part now to release all that burden, that it carries. How would you like to release it, so that the energy gets transformed.
I wanna lie down in the sun, let it just evaporate out of my body.
What does it look like? What does it feel like?
Its very bright, very warm, we are lying in the sun. Shame is slowly moving out of my skin. The pain is moving into the air.
Lets bring into the scene all the protectors, so that they can see and witness the transformation.
How do they feel like?
Grateful and hopeful and motivated to let me know when I feel shame. So I am not continuing the cycle of deflection.
How do you feel like?
Relived and hopeful, calm and hungry.
Create an environment for this part, to really feel love. Where is it? What does it look like, what does it feel like?
We go outside in front of the house - no actually we met at the danube river where I was going with my bike.
Lets take that part out of the current place, and bring it to a place of love, where you can be with it.
What does it sound like? What does it smell like?
There are some birds, the beautiful city is behind us, we are at the riverbank and I can smell the river. On the other side there is the forest that I loved so much, the castle is to the right. And there is a 20 year old and a really young part, my dad, and a little bit to the side is the Terrorist and the Preacher, watching.
Ask this part now to release all that burden, that it carries. How would you like to release it, so that the energy gets transformed.
My dad is saying: Whats going on for you? Are you sad about something?
Yes dad, I feel really lonely and misunderstood, because it seems to me that you don’t want me to be who I think I can be, like, something very unique. I have unique skills that contribute. To my happiness, but also to others, to feel love, and I have the sense that you don’t love me for who I am, and you get angry if I don’t follow your path. And that’s painful to experience, because I trust myself enough to know where I wanna go and where I wanna be, what I wanna do. And I have the sense that you don’t really like me. For who I truly am.
Crying.
Oh, that’s hard to hear. I feel shocked and a little bit ashamed that that’s maybe the consequence of how I was communicating with you. That you experienced that. That you think I don’t love you, I want to you to be different than who you are. I think I got scared, I got scared that it might become true for you what my dad was telling me, that you can't be an artist and survive, and I want you to survive and thrive and have children. I want you to live a happy life, and I was concerned that you set yourself up for unhappiness. So I think I wanted to protect you, but I can see that I was doing it all the wrong way. Because I really love you and I am excited to see that you are really talented and have unique artistic skills and I really want to support you. So please let me know what you wanna do, so I can support you and be part of your life, celebrate with you and also support you if you have challenges.
Crying.
Thank you for saying that. That was really important. I have a lot of energy wanting to be myself, but I also want to be connected to you and other people I love.
What does it look like? What does it feel like?
I am taking that belief, taking it out of my body. Gently put it into the water, so that its drifting downriver until its gonna dissolve in the black sea. Relieved that I can be myself and connected to others, be loved. I can.
Lets bring into the scene all the protectors, so that they can see and witness the transformation.
How do they feel like?
Relieved and hopeful. They are search for new strategies to fulfill their role to help me maintain boundaries around my identity, but also to celebrate autonomy and at the same time experience love and contribution to others.
How do you feel like?
Relieved and hopeful.
Hopeful that no matter what happens I will be able to find love and have autonomy, really be myself at the same time.
Do you want to send you parents to a healing place, or how do you want to heal that part?
I think I want to imagine K. being with me, and my parents and my parts, my protectors and all the children. I would like everybody to look at each other, at everybody else and the children. And K. is just like me, her parts look at each other, they feel what I feel. Acknowledgment, respect, appreciation, love for ALL of us, and all of the other person parts, appreciation, care, love, consideration. My fathers parts look at each other, they have been doing very tragic things, just like me. They look at each other with understanding, care, appreciation and love. And they look at me and my parts, and K. parts, with the same love, care, appreciation, consideration, openness. My mothers parts look at each other, they can appreciate and understand each other, value and help each other, come to this moment, have consideration for past behavior, understanding and love. They look at me and my parts. My father and his parts, K. and her parts. Love. Care. Appreciation.
Create an environment for this part, to really feel love. Where is it? What does it look like, what does it feel like?
I can see our connection. Its very quiet, we just look at each other. My protectors also look at each other. Lovingly, with understanding and care, consideration and love.
Ask this part now to release all that burden, that it carries. How would you like to release it, so that the energy gets transformed?
The burden of “I don’t matter”, the burden of fear and the burden of loneliness. Each of them gets a fire in the woods, we are all in the middle, its like a ring of fire, everything is burning and then I put that into the fire, it warms us all together, there is lot of energy in that. The burden, beliefs and emotions. They are so warm. The air is full of smoke.
I do matter. I am safe. I am loved.
What does it look like? What does it feel like?
There is smoke and heat from all sides. The night sky is full of stars.
Lets bring into the scene all the protectors, so that they can see and witness the transformation.
Yes. The Patriarch is happy. He knows he matters. The Analyzer knows that I am safe and that he wants to help me by bringing consciousness to myself, and the Shaman is full of love and connection. They all trust me, that I mean what I say. Give me your energy, and I will use it.
Yeah.
How do they feel like?
Hopeful and relieved, love and happiness.
How do you feel like?
Warm and somehow more whole, self-connected, hopeful, open and hungry. Curious. Radiant. Happy. Energized.
Do you want to send you parents to a healing place, or how do you want to heal that part?
Yeah I want to bring in my new dad into this situation.
I am like: WTF, that did not work at all.
And he is saying: Hey, are you sad about something. Whats going on?
I broke this thing, I was hoping for, like this extremely cool spaceship model, like the ones we have seen on the fair. And I just cant make it work, and I don’t know why. And I also, I think I completely broke it, I cant even imagine that could be mended at all. I am disappointed about that.
Crying.
Feel hopeless.
Oh, I understand how that feels, yeah. That you really had this image how great it could be, clearly in your head and then it turned out to be something that didn’t work?
Yeah, that really sucks. And I have it in my head and I really wanna manifest it in the world. It would be very fulfilling.
Yeah, it would be. I can see that you are really competent.
But I am not. I am not competent, I can't do it. Yeah, competency is something that slowly comes to be, I am also not competent at many things and I am learning. And you know what? You learn the most from mistakes like this. If something doesn’t work, that’s a huge opportunity to learn and grow, and the next time around you know exactly what not to do, so that’s why you feel like that, that’s the reason for the sadness. That’s really, really, valuable and important for the future to make things work like you want them to be, like turn imagination into manifestation. That feeling, that’s what you need.
Crying.
Yeah.
Thank you, thank you for sharing that with me, and also feeling what I feel. For understanding. And thank you for encouraging me. Because I thought that was like a dead end, the end of the road, there is nothing to gain. But because of what you told me I understand that that’s a very important step and also feeling sadness and disappointment is valuable, and not something that needs to be pushed away.
It feels good to express it.
Crying.
Thank you, dad.
Yeah. Whatever it takes, however long it takes, take the space to feel that.
Create an environment for this part, to really feel love. Where is it? What does it look like, what does it feel like?
In the basement in front of the broken spaceship, We are both crying, feeling whatever is coming up about that, disappointment that its not working, building trust.
Lets take that part out of the current place, and bring it to a place of love, where you can be with it.
It is a place of love now, I am gonna change this environment. But we can also open the door and step outside a bit, I really like to be outside. Enjoying the sun. Enjoying the SON. Just being present.
What does it sound like? What does it smell like?
It's very quiet, it's very calm.
Ask this part now to release all that burden, that it carries. How would you like to release it, so that the energy gets transformed?
We are standing outside on top of that scary thing, and I like that because we are both standing on top of that, my dad is hugging me. The belief that I am not good enough, that I can't do great things, that I am fucking things up all the time, that I cant trust myself and I cant trust others just evaporates from our bodies, slowly into the air.
We look at each other and smile, we know we are okay.
Lets bring into the scene all the protectors, so that they can see and witness the transformation.
Yeah the Patriarch is enjoying growth and self-trust, the Shaman is also relieved that we are centered, and there is space for compassion, less reactivity and consciousness. The Analyzer also feels relief, it makes sense. The Patriarch doesn’t need to defend me as hard if someone doesn’t trust me. Compassion. More power.
How do they feel like?
Relief and empowerment, love.
How do you feel like?
Warm and love, relief and hope, yeah really love also, for K. and everybody else that is struggling, everybody is struggling. And also a bit hungry.
Create an environment for this part, to really feel love. Where is it? What does it look like, what does it feel like?
They are stopping the car as soon as they are hearing my story, just anywhere, just like: Yeah, lets take a short break, this is very important. There is a side road, some fields, trees. And lets take a moment to talk about this, this seems very important.
Lets take that part out of the current place, and bring it to a place of love, where you can be with it.
What does it sound like? What does it smell like?
I can still hear the main road, we are going for a walk, my parents and me, and they just wanna hear all about it. Like what do I love about her, how does it feel. Everything that I thought was confusing, or something you didn’t like?
Yeah, her parents were really weird. I really like her, I really wanna get closer to her. This longing what it is like to being partners, I really have the sense that we are a team. I also think about kissing her, and I am afraid also that will provoke a lot of hatred from the other kids in school.
I can see that they feel really happy for me. They know how precious that is to have love. Even if it is just longing for love, but it's this very special feeling. Their son is showing interest in girls and that’s how you become a man, this is how we grow, this is such a huge chance, doesn’t matter if that works out or not. Feeling proud and curious.
And I can feel that they really like what I am doing, feeling excited about it, and then they know what that’s like. And its also confusing, these stories, I think I am confused about what that means, like why do I have a strange feeling about this.
(the girl was telling a story about a friend getting run over by a train and surviving it without a scratch)
And then they can feel what I feel, they can see my concern, also it sounds like quite an outrageous story or, also if that’s true, then you could do that, could be really exciting.
I feel really concerned about that if I believe that then you might get run over by a train, I don’t think that that’s actually a very dangerous idea, and I feel concerned. I don’t want you to get hurt. But even if that is not true, that doesn’t mean that she is bad or something, it just means that she really wants to impress you, she really likes to tell stories, like a she will become a writer or something, or she learned to lie, because that’s how she learned to deal with these weird parents. Could be all kinds of reasons, that doesn’t mean that she is crazy or that she is not respecting you. You can find out, just be honest about how you feel. Respectful, and find out what's going on, and then you will feel whats right for you.
Crying.
Yeah and I really love you either way. If you get into a relationship, where you find out that it's not really good for you, we will always love you, we are always there for you, it doesn’t make a difference if you make mistakes or something like this. I would love it if I could see that you remain open-hearted, and trusting, no matter what happens. You know, you can talk to us, and we can help you to figure out whats going on. You can also talk to other people that have experience in situations like this, because love can be very confusing. Its confusing sometimes to us.
Crying.
Yeah, we love you don’t forget that.
Thank you for listening to me. I know it's very confusing to figure out whats real and whats good for me. Also because I am longing for love so much. Yeah, that’s a very powerful drive.
Yeah, you will find love. You already have love within you, feel that.
Hehe, I can feel it.
Crying.
Ask this part now to release all that burden, that it carries. How would you like to release it, so that the energy gets transformed?
There is the burden of not thinking I can get love from my parents and from my partner at the same time, there is also the burden of not being able to trust, because I could be lied to. And there is also the burden of thinking I need to hide what I love the most. They are three different things. The burden of believing I can't get love from a girl and love from my parents at the same time, I want to release that into a little creek that’s nearby, just as a little origami ship, were I write on it. I can’t get love from a girl and love from my parents at the same time. And then it goes down the creek, because I can find a girl, and I can find love from my parents at the same time. Everybody is even more happy together.
Crying.
Yes.
There is also the burden of not being able to trust what girls or women say, because they could lie to me. Because I want to, I want to remain open-hearted, and then if I find out that it was a lie, I want to be able to feel that pain. That’s important. I want to send that into the air and into the wind. Its quite a strong wind, I could get hit by all kinds of stuff, but I am trusting I am gonna survive this. And I can open up. Yes. Feels good.
And there is also the burden of needing to hide what I love the most, because I know I can get love, even more love and acceptance for being seen for who I really am, if a share what I love the most. And if that turns out that a relationship that doesn’t work, or a project that doesn’t work out, it's the most precious in the now, in the moment, when I love it the most, falling in love, anything. I can appreciate it.
yeah my parents enjoy that, I am sharing with them.
Crying.
Yeah.
What does it look like, feel like.
Close, and tender. This part hasn’t been seen, having all these dreams that it wants to share. And it feels that it's possible that it's liked, and I can get my needs met, not at the same time, but because of that and I share whats precious to me. I can be loved and appreciated. Celebrated.
Imagine for a moment, that this part is merging back into the body, with all that feeling that just emerged, into every single cell.
Oh, I can feel that. Yeah. Oh god, its growing.
Lets bring into the scene all the protectors, so that they can see and witness the transformation.
Yeah , they really like to see me liberated and unburdened. Yeah the teenage rebel but also the teenage boy that really want s to be a good boy. Yeah they are relieved that that happens in any case and without rebellion or conformity. I can be loved. I am loved, I guess. No matter what I do, if I make mistakes or hesitate.
How do they feel like?
Relieved and relaxed, hopeful, but also grateful that they are included and appreciated.
How do you feel like?
Warm and relaxed and hopeful, and quite happy. Tender, I really enjoyed these memories and also creating new ones. I am so glad for this. I also feel excited about sharing this. Its very precious and important, other people can know.
Do you want to send you parents to a healing place, or how do you want to heal that part?
Dad, I would like you to understand me. How this is like for me. I want you to give me what I need, now that you know. Can you do that?
Create an environment for this part, to really feel love. Where is it? What does it look like, what does it feel like?
We are on the tip of the peninsula where I was telling him about that I fell into the water. I think it was a gray day then, but I am gonna make the sun come out, and its gonna shine on him, and he understands me.
Crying.
He is asking if I am okay.
I am saying: I kind of feel a little but surprised and ashamed, and I am afraid that you are upset.
And he is saying: Oh, did you get hurt?
No, its just that my pants are wet.
Oh! That was relief to hear that!
Crying.
Oh that happened to me too, once or twice, that stuff can happen. Sucks a little bit, that your pants are wet. Is it uncomfortable?
Its kind of okay.
Crying.
You dont need to be ashamed about that, I love you whatever happens – you are my best buddy.
Crying.
And I love to go fishing with you. Wait, let me hug you, so that you know.
Crying.
Thank you.
Yeah, I love you. Its okay. You didn't do anything wrong. It's just water, its just pants. There is nothing you did wrong.
Lets take that part out of the current place, and bring it to a place of love, where you can be with it.
The sun is coming out even more.
Hey, I think it is possible it could dry out your pants, if you are not embarrassed to be in your underpants for a little bit. If you want you can have my pants. Hey, or we could try do make a fire. Come, on lets hug some more.
Crying.
Its quite upsetting, ha?
Yeah, I was afraid you don't like me.
Its okay. Yeah, shit happens. You probably learned from it, ha?
Yeah, I am gonna watch out. I know it can be slippery there.
Laughing.
Crying.
I know Im okay.
What does it sound like? What does it smell like?
Smells like this fishy water, kind of small, and its quite warm now. I think the pants are gonna dry just on my skin. It's gonna be fine. Some birds. I am glad that there is no cold wind. But then we are gonna, you know, just drive back and do something else, like just talk.
Ask this part now to release all that burden, that it carries. How would you like to release it, so that the energy gets transformed?
It's just like I want to feel the water in my pants - its evaporating as we are in the sun, and I keep hugging my dad and feel really warm. I know I am okay. And I don’t need to worry about why what I do or what I did was wrong, and I wont be loved because of it. There is nothing I did wrong. There is just things that happened.
What does it look like? What does it feel like?
Its very sunny and warm, and I feel relief and love. I know he really likes me, and he loves to see how I learn from my “mistakes”.
Lets bring into the scene all the protectors, so that they can see and witness the transformation.
The Shaman can see that he doesn’t have to worry about if K. loves me or not, because there is nothing I did wrong, it was just like it was meant to be. To learn. And that’s what I love about myself, and I know that’s also what she loves. He is relieved. He still wants to help me to stay aware, without shame and without attachment to anything from the past. Staying present. Oops, there is something that happened. Learning.
How do they feel like?
Relieved, care, appreciation, love. And they know how to find love without attachment to a specific thing, or a specific person. Trusting that I am okay with making mistakes.
How do you feel like?
Warm and calm. I really like this place, feel loved and I love. And it doesnt matter if I am physically close or far, part of her life or not. Feeling connected. And I really want the best for her, her needs to be fulfilled. If her needs are not fulfilled, mine can’t be. I want her to be happy.
Ah, yes.
Do you want to send you parents to a healing place, or how do you want to heal that part?
Yeah, I can change the parents within me, so that they don’t do what my parents did. They are asking me: Whats going on? Are you scared? Do you feel sad? Do feel really scared that something bad might have happened? Do you feel hopeless and don’t know what to do?
And both of them are touching me with their hand when I am on the floor. They are asking me: Whats going on?
And I can say: I think my parakeet is behind the cupboard. And I I don’t know what do do? I think its gonna be lost forever.
Crying.
Its okay. We understand. We understand that sounds very scary and we are gonna help you, we are gonna check out what's going on, and what we can do. And its okay to be sad, I would be sad, too. I would be scared too, if I didn’t know what to do and I was so little that I couldn’t even climb up and look.
Crying.
Do you wanna be held, do you want a hug? Do you wanna be sure its gonna be alright.
I can hold you and then we can help you after this. Whatever you want, and whenever you are ready. You are gonna be okay. Its okay to be scared. I would be scared, too right? Yeah. That’s sound very scary. I kind of wanna look, what the bird is doing and where it is. Do you wanna take a look, too? Whenever you are ready, we are gonna help you.
Thank you. I really wanna take a look if it's still alive or what's going on. Can you do that for me, because I am really sad.
Sure.
How about mum stays with you and I’m gonna get the ladder. I’m gonna do it while she keeps holding you, so that you are safe.
Thank you, that sounds good.
Crying.
Thank you mum for being there for me. I hope nothing bad has happened, I am really scared.
Very soon we are gonna know, dad is gonna tell us.
Oh, it's right down there! I can see it. Its alive!
Crying.
I think we can do something to get it back up. Its gonna work!
Crying.
How do you feel about that?
Crying.
I feel so much relief. And I feel grateful that you helped me. I would be able to do that by myself. Thank you.
Thank you mum for being there for me. I felt really really scared. And now I feel some relief and hope.
Create an environment for this part, to really feel love. Where is it? What does it look like, what does it feel like?
Its my room, and I can feel that they love me and that they care about me. That they really understand me.
Lets take that part out of the current place, and bring it to a place of love, where you can be with it.
What does it sound like? What does it smell like?
Its just light now. We surrounded by white light, and its quite and warm. I am here with my part, it was lonely and scared.
Ask this part now to release all that burden, that it carries. How would you like to release it, so that the energy gets transformed?
It's the burden of not knowing why I am not loved. Trying to figure it out. Why is it that I am not loved? That I am not okay. Trying to figure it out, for years and years, looking for evidence what's actually wrong about me, but there is actually nothing. I would like to release that confusion and pain. Out into the white light. So I can be free from worrying about it.
Crying.
What does it look like? What does it feel like?
Its a really dark dense ball of dark worry and confusion and tense energy to figure out how do I get the love that I want, how do I have to be, what do I have to do. Its this dark, dark sphere.
And I roll it into the light, and it disappears. It disappears into the love.
Crying.
And I can be free. I don’t have to worry about it anymore, because I know I am loved, it's not about me what happened. It's different now. I can breathe and I can live, and I can love, and I can be loved. And I can be not loved, and its okay. By others.
Imagine for a moment, that this part is merging back into the body, with all that feeling that just emerged, into every single cell.
Relief. And love and light. I can feel it in my toes, I can feel it in my legs, I can feel it in my belly, I can feel it in my chest. My lungs, face, arms, and my legs again. And I am okay.
Lets bring into the scene all the protectors, so that they can see and witness the transformation.
The protector is glad about the unburdening and the transformation. It was really really wanting to help me and to find love, and also unburdened and relieved – has clarity about what to do. Even what to do when the pain comes up again. Yes. Relieved. From all the worrying, holding on and figuring out, never giving up wanting to help me. Now it knows much better how to help me. It's glad. Much more relaxed.
How do they feel like?
Relaxed. Proud. Relieved. Hopeful, Love and Happiness.
If you are scared that you are not loved. If we are moving somewhere else, far way from K. – just tell me, and I will send to the love that you actually want. Even is K. is not loving you like you want. I will be there for you, and all of the other parts. No matter what happens. And I know you are still in pain sometimes - just tell me about it.
How do you feel like?
Relief. Sadness. Hope. Warmth. Gratitude.
Create an environment for this part, to really feel love. Where is it? What does it look like, what does it feel like?
Oh, I am coming home, and I am sad and disappointed about what happened, but I am really longing for sharing that with my parents, because I know I can trust them. And tell them about this:
Dad, I really like this girl, she seems a lot like me, and I am sitting also close to her, and I wanna be even closer and I wrote this lover letter in secret, because I didn’t want the other kids to make fun of me, I was giving her this love letter and then she started crying, and I am confused why that happened, because all I was doing is saying: “I really like you – Do you like me, too? Do you know what happened? I am scared that I did something bad. Its confusing.
Lets take that part out of the current place, and bring it to a place of love, where you can be with it.
Yeah, that’s sounds very confusing. I am also a little bit confused and surprised, because that’s not what you would expect. If you say to someone, “Hey, I really like you.”, why would they start crying? And so, based on what you told me I am assuming that this has nothing to do with you. There was something that happened for this girl that was completely separate from your life. Maybe she has some kind of problem at home with her parents. They are divorcing, or somebody just died. This could be one million things, that have nothing to do with you. The other girls just wanted to protect her, also didn’t understand what going on. We might never find out, but we could ask her.
I am glad to hear that, I was really scared that I did something bad, because I don’t want to hurt other people. She looked really sad, and I really care for her. Didn’t want to cause any pain.
Ask this part now to release all that burden, that it carries. How would you like to release it, so that the energy gets transformed.
I want to write a love letter to the world, because I really love the world. I like my body, all these other people, and nature and I will write:
Dear world,
I really love you. Do you love me, too?
Yes, no or maybe.
Crying.
And I throw it into the air, as high as I can.
And then I know what the answer is. The answer is whatever I want. And I want it to be YES.
Crying.
What does it feel like?
I can see a cross at every box, if I want to. And I feel warm.
Lets bring into the scene all the protectors, so that they can see and witness the transformation.
The Tree is watching, offering shade if I want. Always there. I can feel the wind on my skin.
How do they feel like?
Feel happy, pleased, a sense of meaning and stability. Inspired.
How do you feel like?
Inspired and happy, longing for love, but its not painful. Its very blissful actually.
Do you want to send you parents to a healing place, or how do you want to heal that part?
I want my mother to pick me up and my body is violently shaking because it's alive so much. I want her to hold me and enjoy how much my body is alive, not put me down or put me to sleep. Just be with me as I am fully alive.
Create an environment for this part, to really feel love. Where is it? What does it look like, what does it feel like?
Moving.
Crying.
Lets take that part out of the current place, and bring it to a place of love, where you can be with it.
I was letting my mum hold me and touch me while I was squirming and struggling and really, my body was really wanting to be alive, and feel and be awake, and she was holding me and loving me and I was receiving it and I got the sense that its okay, its okay to use my body like this.
What does it sound like? What does it smell like?
I can smell her warm body, I can feel my own.
Ask this part now to release all that burden, that it carries. How would you like to release it, so that the energy gets transformed?
I want to take that belief, that I have to calm down and need to sleep and its not good if I express myself with my entire body – I feel unburdened right now already, but I want to make this into a yoga practice and I am celebrating this unburdening every time I am moving my body, enjoying my sensations and emotions. Stretch and use my body in powerful ways. Yeah.
What does it look like? What does it feel like?
It's gonna be lots of movement and lots of physical celebration.
Lets bring into the scene all the protectors, so that they can see and witness the transformation.
The protectors are surprised and amazed and relaxed, and they can see that its not dangerous, it's the opposite, its beautiful and wild and energetic and lots of fun. I can feel with my entire body. Feels much more comfortable following whatever my body needs to do.
How do they feel like?
Relaxed and amused.
How do you feel like?
Energized, happy, confident, hopeful. Excited. And love. Appreciate my body so much. And my mind.
I can bring in a mum that will be able to hear what I am saying.
Create an environment for this part, to really feel love. Where is it? What does it look like, what does it feel like?
I am in this room, it's brighter now. The room where my mum is ironing. And I can see that she is looking at me with love and kindness. And I can say to her:
Mum, I notice that you are hugging me less and we are not as close any more like we used to be. I used to feel like a part of you when you were taking care of me. You are doing a lot of things I was not able to do myself, like dress myself, feed me and wash me. That was where I felt connection the most, and I am noticing that this is getting less and we are more separate, and I feel really sad about this because I am missing it so much.
Crying.
And I would like to understand, why is this happening. And is this about me and what can I do to repair this relationship?
Lets take that part out of the current place, and bring it to a place of love, where you can be with it.
My mum is looking at me with care and concern, because she can see that I am sad and upset. And she is holding my shoulders, hugging me. And that feels very good. That’s what my body was missing so much. And she is looking at me, really caring about me and saying:
Thank you for letting me know. I was not aware of that’s happening. That doesn't mean that I don’t love you, you know. I think what was happening for me was that I saw you growing up and becoming independent, being able to dress yourself, eat yourself, do all kinds of things by yourself, like how it should be. I was partly proud of that but also sad, like it seemed you don’t need me any more. I was also sad about, I think I felt sad about losing this connection with you that I had when you were little, but I was not aware of it. And so I did not talk about it.
Crying.
I am glad that you told me, because there is no reason that we should stop hugging each other, or snuggling, or just being together and sharing intimate conversations.
I would like that, too.
Crying.
What does it sound like? What does it smell like?
We are both crying and hugging each other, it feels healing.
Crying.
And we understand each other, and we can feel love.
Ask this part now to release all that burden, that it carries. How would you like to release it, so that the energy gets transformed?
The burden of the belief that “my mother doesn't love me any more because I did something, or I am somehow not lovable, and she only cares about me when I am sick or powerless.”
Yeah, I think I would like to release that by giving her a lot of my power.
I am filling this glowing sphere of my young boys power, my young adults power and the power of a man, a charged up energy ball.
And she receives it as love.
Crying.
Yeah, that felt good.
What does it look like? What does it feel like?
She received that, took that sphere, took that masculine energy into her body and it was going into her heart and into her throat and into her brain, it was glowing inside of her. I was amazed, seeing that she could receive that. And then she looked at me with a lot of love and gratitude, proud that I am a grown man with so much power.
And then we were hugging each other, both glowing with energy.
Crying.
Imagine for a moment, that this part is merging back into the body, with all that feeling that just emerged, into every single cell.
Yes, supercharging with power and love.
Lets bring into the scene all the protectors, so that they can see and witness the transformation.
Yeah, the Caretaker is happy to see that this is very fulfilling and it can feel that divine energy of love by taking care of myself, just as much as it can feel it by taking care of someone else. And also astounded about the power that was released. Allowing that to happen. The Patriarch and the Preacher are happy that they can see and understand better now how to take care of myself and to know that I am loved when I am powerful and this belief is somewhat exorcised and I am not only getting feminine love when I am powerless and helpless.
How do they feel like?
The feel empowered, for sure. And loved, cared for and respected, honored. Included. Grateful and hopeful, inspired. And love.
How do you feel like?
I feel hopeful, knowing what that's like to take care of myself, but also I can feel this intense love that I feel when I am blended with the Caretaker part - I can also just feel that if I am just by myself, it's not only if I am with someone else, it’s liberating.
I would like my parents to handle this situation differently.
Create an environment for this part, to really feel love. Where is it? What does it look like, what does it feel like?
My dad is stopping the bus at the river next to the campsite and we are taking time to take care of my sisters pain, to listen to her:
What that’s like to experience heartbreak. Or to think that you are close to being loved like you want to but then it is lost.
But then also my parents are talking to me, they are really curious and caring. They want to know why I wanted to make fun of her.
Crying.
And I can hear that its not that they don’t like me for what I did. It’s okay. They just wanna know what was going o for me.
Lets take that part out of the current place, and bring it to a place of love, where you can be with it.
I can feel that they both love me and that they are concerned about me, just like they are concerned about my sister.
And I express that I felt scared and very uncomfortable when I saw my sister like this. I wanted her to stop feeling that. So that its gonna be okay. And I don’t really know why this was happening. Actually I wanted to help her.
But when you were angry at me I thought now I am the person that’s not loved. So I can’t do anything in that situation.
What does it sound like? What does it smell like?
I smell the grass and it is pretty warm. My parents are holding both of us, and are saying its okay to feel this, life is full of emotions like this - sadness and fear and loss and they are sorry if they have been teaching me in the past that emotions are not welcome in this family, because that's not really what they wanna say.
Emotions are very important to tell you what you need and what's most important in life, so they want me to express.
David, if you are really angry and you don't like your sister to feel sad its also okay to tell us about that. Because we also wanna hear whats alive for you.
Everyone’s feelings matter.
Crying.
And we are both crying.
And I am also saying to my sister: I am sorry that I made fun of you. It’s not that I don't want you to be sad. Yeah, I wanted to help you, but I didn't know how.
Crying.
Ask this part now to release all that burden, that it carries. How would you like to release it, so that the energy gets transformed.
I would like to go swimming in the river, together with my sister. We just feel really intensely cold together. We are scared of the cold, and the cold is cleansing our bodies from the belief that we cannot feel intense things. That we are also not allowed to not feel things.
It's okay to feel things and also to be uncomfortable with it. Its really cold, I can feel it in my entire body.
Shaking.
Its a very intense feeling of cold. Its okay to feel that. It’s also okay to be scared of it. I can feel it.
Heavy breathing.
Laughing.
I feel relieved. Yes.
What does it look like? What does it feel like?
We were both drifting in the river, it was very cold. Now we are outside again and I feel warm. And our parents are holding us and putting blankets and towels around us. We feel a lot of love together.
Imagine for a moment, that this part is merging back into the body, with all that feeling that just emerged, into every single cell.
Yes, its okay to feel love, its okay to feel scared. Its okay to feel pain. Yes.
Yes, I am growing.
Lets bring into the scene all the protectors, so that they can see and witness the transformation.
Yeah, the Terrorist feels relief, and also a lot of happiness, because he knows it is okay for him to feel anger and that it’s also taking part in coming back to center, and to heal.
He is smiling, that’s a rare sight
How do they feel like?
Relieved. Not being trapped, feeling intense anger and at the same time not being allowed to express it.
How do you feel like?
Relieved and happy about progress. Curious about the measurements I took.
Yeah, I want my family, especially my sister, K. and the children to come with me to a place in the dream where I wanted to go. Everybody is curious about it and also excited. Maybe they are not as interested as me, but the are curious to explore why I was so happy on the surfboard, playing with it. I wanna go there together, to try it out on the beach. In the surf, jumping over waves and stuff like this. I am curious if they also wanna try it with me.
Create an environment for this part, to really feel love. Where is it? What does it look like, what does it feel like?
Its a very beautiful day on the lake and the water is just this incredible blue. Mixed in is the color of the sand, that the surf is stirring up. And there is, not to strong, but quite a wind, quite powerful.
And there is this tiny windsurfing board. That makes it more fun as well. It’s just like a toy. And I am gonna try and see if I can do it.
This could take many attempts. I could fall into the water and try to get back up many times. I am ready for that. But it doesn’t matter – it’s fun to play with the wind.
Lets take that part out of the current place, and bring it to a place of love, where you can be with it.
Yeah, they are helping me. They are holding it as I am stepping onto the board. It’s actually working quite well, it’s going quite fast. I can lean into the wind, I can feel how powerful that is.
And I fall over – I like to be in the cool water. That gives me a reality check how difficult it is to harness this intense power. I really wanna get back up and the protectors help me. The Spartan gives me the energy to struggle, no matter how uncomfortable this might be.
And I am taking off again, surfing like mad.
And I can hear them cheer me on.
Crying.
What does it sound like? What does it smell like?
I can smell the water and the beach. The wind is powerful. I am just walking back to them now, because the wind is blowing away from them, and I don’t know how to turn around yet. There is still a lot of things to master, but I know I am gonna be able to.
They were trying to catch up with me by running along the beach. The are celebrating with me and also wanna try now. I am handing over this little surfboard to them, and I am excited to see how it feels like for them, because it felt really awesome for me.
Crying.
Ask this part now to release all that burden, that it carries. How would you like to release it, so that the energy gets transformed.
I am already releasing it, I can feel that.
My sister is trying it now, too. And she is having just as much fun. She is just as powerful as me. And we have shared reality how fun this is, and how important this is to follow your dreams.
Crying.
I can feel the connection and the love, everywhere.
What does it look like? What does it feel like?
Now we are just relaxing on the beach, because this was very intense.
The belief that nobody is able to handle or value what I think is most meaningful is just blown away.
I don’t feel alone. I can feel the love within me, radiating out.
I also have understanding, that my father was not able to deal with it in this moment. I understand, it’s not confusing any more. I hope he can heal himself.
Imagine for a moment, that this part is merging back into the body, with all that feeling that just emerged, into every single cell.
Yeah.
Breathing.
Laughing.
I feel hot, and very powerful. Tingling in my fingers and arms and my chest.
Oh, I wanna do stuff. Get out there, and love.
Yes.
Lets bring into the scene all the protectors, so that they can see and witness the transformation.
The Spartan is moved by how his power can be facilitated by love and connection, and he can feel that and he is moved by how powerful that seems to harness that - to push through with love, rather than with hatred.
And the Hermit is really glad that he can witness that, and he is hopeful that he won’t be alone. And his exile doesn’t have to be alone in the woods.
How do they feel like?
Relieved and hopeful, and very powerful. Inspired.
I would like to change my memory about my dad on the boat trip.
Create an environment for this part, to really feel love. Where is it? What does it look like, what does it feel like?
Its this beautiful, beautiful forest, and we have been just passing this what seemed like whitewater, but it was just a little bit faster. It was very exciting, meaningful and connecting, because we pulled that off together.
We are at the end of the river, where the bridge is, pull over to the side, and my dad is getting out and he is stepping in a lot of mud – I guess he couldn’t see that, because it didn’t look like it would be as soft there.
He is turning around, saying: “Shit!” And he is laughing.
And for a moment I was scared that he might be angry.
And I tell him: For a moment I thought, you were angry.
And he says: You know what, for a moment I thought I was. That’s why I said “Shit”. was thinking: now my boots are gonna be wet and my pants – it's gonna be uncomfortable. I don’t wanna be uncomfortable. That was for a moment, but then I realized, that it’s actually really beautiful out here doing this together.
Crying.
I don’t really know this right now, but I will in the future: I want to celebrate every moment that we spend together, because I know it is limited. You will grow up, and you will have your own life and we will not spend as much time together any more.
Crying.
I am enjoying this moment so much, and I don’t want to give into that anger. That discomfort will go away in a few minutes. It’s not worth spending time on that. But definitely I would have loved to stay dry, for sure!
Crying.
I feel so moved, because my dad is showing so much self-leadership. That’s how I want to be.
Crying.
Thank you, dad.
Lets take that part out of the current place, and bring it to a place of love, where you can be with it.
Let’s go to the bridge, and see what the end of the river looks like.
We look down onto the danube river. It’s sunny and warm and feel very connected. I love my dad very much, and I can feel that he loves me.
nd then we are just spontaneously hugging on the bridge, at the end of our adventure. He is sending me off the be a man – with all the challenges it can bring, and all the love I can feel.
Crying.
What does it sound like? What does it smell like?
It smells like muddy waters, the danube river and the forest. The wood of the bridge. I can smell all this, I can smell my dad, as we are hugging. And also, I like this precious memory. I will always remember that this was an important starting point of my life. Independence. Knowing, that I can trust myself.
Crying.
Ask this part now to release all that burden, that it carries. How would you like to release it, so that the energy gets transformed?
There is quite a heavy stone that's coming out of my heart – it feels warm. It holds the belief that I can’t trust myself, and I can’t trust other people. I am just dropping it into the water.
I know it’s gonna be there, in the mud. It’s gonna be there, stuck in the mud. I am just gonna leave it there, at the mouth of the danube river, knowing that all this water is passing it, as I continue living with self-trust and self-love.
Crying. Yes.
Laughing.
Yes, I feel lighter already.
Imagine for a moment, that this part is merging back into the body, with all that feeling that just emerged, into every single cell.
Yes.
Lets bring into the scene all the protectors, so that they can see and witness the transformation.
Yeah, the Analyzer is very happy and proud. His contribution and his willingness to step aside led to an important piece of healing myself. Being able to trust myself, my parts and all my exiles – and with that, being able to trust others.
How do they feel like?
Relieved, happy and hopeful. They feel loved.
How do you feel like?
I feel a lot of love and happiness. Gratitude.
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