Doctor's Office

Do you want to send you parents to a healing place, or how do you want to heal that part?

Yeah, I want to revisit the doctors office with a mother that has understanding about emotions and self-leadership.

Create an environment for this part, to really feel love. Where is it? What does it look like, what does it feel like?

I am in the doctor's office with a plastic kind of floor, a window and curtains behind me and a leathery kind of thing to sit on, quite high up, exposed and vulnerable. And I remember the doctor was quite nice and kind, a soothing voice. But still I remember having a lot of fear, because there is always some surprising kind of pain that lays in waiting. And also my mother doesn’t seem to be that close to me. And I was feeling lonely and vulnerable, without guidance about what to do with these intense emotions of fear and probably pain.

Lets take that part out of the current place, and bring it to a place of love, where you can be with it.

Yeah, I like to fill the room with more love by just opening the curtains, and it becomes this very bright, overexposed looking room. And my mother looks quite shiny.

Laughing.

She is also just closer to me, putting her arm around me. I can feel her love and warmth and care and how she is wanting to help me get through what is a challenging experience as a child.

And they both don’t make this better than it is. They are honest with me by saying:

I know this is gonna hurt, maybe more than you experienced before, but we want to let you know that it is okay to feel things about it. Maybe you feel surprised and shocked and maybe you even want to cry, and that’s a healthy thing to do. The suffering and the crying is healthy – it’s your body telling you to stay safe and maintain a boundary. And in this case the body doesn't really understand that the pain is helping you in the long run. It is helping you in the next few years or as you are growing up. Because in the moment, your body is going to tell you: “Stop doing that! It’s hurting you, you should run away, you should pull your arm away. And that's a natural instinct of your body, and it can be confusing.

My mother is also holding me and saying:

I love you and I am here with you. And if you want to cry or you want to scream, anything that is happening for you, that’s okay.

Crying.

And you will see that even the most extreme pain in the moment will go away after you breathe just a few times and will come back down and will just go away by itself. You don’t have to push it away at all. Just feel it and trust and it’s gonna go away by itself. It’s just like a very heavy thunderstorm, where clouds are covering the sky and the thunder is maybe scaring you a few times. But you know that the wind is gonna blow the clouds away eventually.

Crying.

What does it sound like? What does it smell like?

It’s still feels pretty painful, but I am not lost in it. It’s not an excursion into chaos of a little mind. It is guided by two adults that know what that feels like and I can hold and squeeze my mothers hand and I can cry out in pain and I can let my tears flow and I trust that they understand me and that what I am experiencing makes sense - it’s not ripping apart reality.

And I don’t belief any more that I have to suppress my pain any more in order to be a good boy. I am who I am with my pain, and I am loved no matter what my experience is like, and how I express it.

Ask this part now to release all that burden, that it carries. How would you like to release it, so that the energy gets transformed?

Crying.

Laughing.

Yeah, I have this large needle sticking out of my chest. And has been sticking in my heart for a long time and I have been suppressing the pain of it by believing that I am a good boy if I don't cry about it. I wanna be able to scream if that’s how I feel, and I am loved and even appreciated for expressing my feelings. And I wanna feel the pain of the needle in my heart. I want to grab that syringe and just pull it out and let the blood flow for a while, until it stops. And the tears that come with it.

Crying.

And then I am able to let it go.

Crying.

Oh, that feels better.

What does it look like, what does it feel like?

It feels like a relief that I don't have that sticking out of my chest any more, trying to ignore it.

Accepting that it is still hurting. But accepting that pain it feels better than to hold it back and pretend its not there. Its liberating, and also knowing that my mother and the doctor and everyone I choose to be with in my life is also appreciating my pain and my willingness to share and they are accepting if its causing discomfort for them.

Imagine for a moment that this part is merging back into the body, with all that feeling that just emerged, into every single cell of your body.

It feels like it is enabling my blood to flow with more vigor and energy through my body. Emotions are closer to the surface and I am so happy about that I regain my inner compass one session at a time.

Let's bring into the scene all the protectors, so that they can see and witness the transformation.

The Shaman is very happy that he was contributing by his willingness to step aside to explore a surprising memory. Its always surprising what is happening every time. The Analyzer is happy about that too. It is meaningful and they are grateful for true Self guidance. They trust me so much. I am grateful for their help and their willingness to openly communicate with me.

How do they feel like?

Grateful and happy, and moved also. I can feel sadness in my throat. There is even more sadness and exiles that wanna come up. I know there is so many and I am looking forward to getting to know all of you.

Crying.

How do you feel like?

Sad and happy at the same time. Very hopeful and curious about what else there is to discover.